I will make thee a new sharp threshing instrument (Isa. 41:15).
Since the last post until now, I’ve been dealing with a plethora of issues. I’ve found myself feeling overwhelmed at times, almost as if the Lord has me in a crucible where the heat underneath is so hot, the container I’m being held in might shatter at any given moment. I have been forced to take comfort in scripture that reminds me through countless examples, that every believer must be tested, and so I’m sure my life is no exception.
About two plus years ago, I sincerely prayed a dangerous prayer. I said, “Lord, I surrender my ALL to You. Search my heart and whatever is unlike You, take it all away, remove the dross I pray.”
Little did I know, the unfolding which was soon to take place. My mom lost her job, and for many months on end I didn’t know how the bills would be paid. I ended up losing what at the time was a very close friend; the grief that comes with this kind of loss cannot be described. To have someone walk away at the onset of a hard time, especially when you have always been there for them in their struggles- that kind of rejection, let’s just say the pain continues to be indescribable.
With the loss of income, the bills of our home began being heavily amassed. There was literally more bills than income. Mom had an unexpected hospitalization which led to not just another set back financially, but also very emotionally. I’ve also had to deal with a close relative (living in our home) who struggles with depression and cancer, and most recently she shared, suicidal thoughts. There were times, I found myself unable to sleep, I found myself longing for rest.
As the journey of the years unfolded, the Lord certainly was stripping me. I did not know initially, that the unfolding of the events in my life was in some way, many answers to my prayer of surrender.
The secret pride I carried knowing I could buy what I wanted when I could, the Lord began taking away.
The ability to pay my bills before the due date and even more than the minimum requirement, removed.
Grocery shopping my favorite activity, became difficult because now I could only buy what we needed.
I was now turning down attending functions I wanted to attend because I had to factor in gas money and travel expenses.
The Lord began really taking away all I leaned on heavily, the “crutch” of friendship, the “walker” of finances, the “wheels” of flexibility, the dependence on my “sources.” There were days early on where I felt somewhat like Job, all I held dear and near were being plucked from my hands.
I confess, letting go was not easy. Losing what I considered a life of comfort and luxury was difficult to say the least. Affliction became a very real thing for me. A dear friend of mine described my ordeal, as being put on four flat tires. I was unable to move until He gave me air.
Have you ever felt that way? Have you ever felt like your cross was way too much to bear? Have you ever felt like the pain was too much and there was no end in sight? Have you ever considered that going home to Jesus was the best option?
I know I have.
As I dealt with the various afflictions, the Lord allowed, (for I do believe that Yahweh is Sovereign, and nothing happens to any of His children without His permission or His knowledge), I realized how good it was for me to be afflicted. Suffering had and continues to have a purpose.
Through the various adversities I experienced Yahweh Jireh, a provider; Yahweh Rapha, a healer; Immanuel, God with me; and so many other attributes of God. I also discovered where I lived quite self-sufficiently where as a daughter of the King, I needed to be completely dependent on God.
I also discovered that when Abba is all I had, He was all I needed.
But, it did not end there, He also sent a core group of friends to walk alongside me (you all know yourselves and I thank you); He taught me the importance of being vulnerable; He provided me a community of people (this platform) for which to not only share my struggles but also to receive and pour into hope as well. Lastly, He blessed me with a man who has not only opted to walk alongside me as a friend, but who has committed to very soon, walk alongside me as a life partner.
Even in the midst of adversity, the Lord is there and does bless in some way shape or form. It’s about intentionally keeping our eyes on Him, and what He’s bringing forth in our lives. It’s about not being fixated on the problems, but remembering the problem solver and the diverse blessings that come our way.
So, even as I still go through trials and am still recovering from various setbacks, I take hope knowing that the God of my adversity is not done with me, and I can confidently say, He’s not with you either. Surely, though weeping has endured for a night (many nights even), joy will come in the morning. There is absolutely nothing that can separate us from His love and lastly, His love never fails.
“Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivers him out of them all.” Psalms 34:19 ESV
Until next time remember, His Promises are our Guarantee…🙌🏽