It is okay👌🏿 … to not be okay

“It was good that I had to suffer (endure rejection) in order to learn your laws.” Psalm 119:71, GWT

Last week, I shared with you all how feelings of rejection left my emotions unkempt.

For several days and maybe even weeks I walked around my home feeling like a zombie. I was able to function doing what was required of me in serving my family, but the joy in doing it was missing. After sharing my heart with you all and those in my community, healing began. I remember hearing Kirk Franklin say something to this effect; “I heal as a I reveal.”

Thank you to all who stopped by and left echoes of encouragement, offered prayers for comfort and deliverance, sent me reminders and nudges of affirmations, provided me with virtual hugs and kisses, sat in the valley with me sharing your struggles, sat in the valley with me in silence, ministered to my soul with words of wisdom, shouted from the mountain with voices of protection. I am truly, truly appreciative.

As I look back over this period, I cannot deny that what I experienced really hurt. The shock waves rippled right down to my core. Unexpected rejection has a way to sometimes knock the stuffings out; snatch the winds from beneath the sail; and at times, leave you feeling crippled and unable to ambulate. Whew!

Thankfully though, through this season the Lord has provided friends here and there along with my family for me to be vulnerable before. He’s provided reasoning, admonitions, counsel, warnings and especially comfort through the differing channels He’s opted to use. All this has strengthened my resolve to deepen all my relationships, especially the one with Him. It’s also led me to really express the following points.

Are you ready?

Are you listening?

Here goes.

We need to be honest and transparent with those we daily interact with and especially those we consider to be in our inner circle. In some cultures, when there is a death in the family, folks enter a “public” period of mourning. By that I mean, everyone around knows this individual is mourning. Their dressing reflects this life event. Their way of is drastically altered. Even the duration of the period of mourning is determined in advance. This allows others to pour the needed oil and wine into wounds. It allows for folks to be extra gentle, extra sympathetic and extra careful with how this griever is being treated.

Today though, we don’t walk around in full black attire. We are so scared of being honest and vulnerable we end up hiding our pain. We end up wearing masks. We end up as hypocrites (the word hypocrite is rooted in the Greek word hypokrites, which means “stage actor, pretender, dissembler“) in front of people pretending/acting like all is well.

Let’s stop this lying. If it’s not well, it’s simply not well.

Someone needs to know it’s okay to not be okay. You don’t have to have it all together. You don’t have to be in control. You don’t have to have it all together.

News flash, you don’t have to know everything.

It’s okay to feel broken. It’s okay to have times of doubt and question certain things you’ve held onto. Questioning doesn’t mean unbelief – questioning allows us to gain understanding and get a better footing.

Life will be shaken. Things we hold onto and truly care about can be snatched away and leave us feeling broken and alone.

Loneliness is also a real thing; we all go through it from time to time.

We all have valleys of the shadows of death that we have to walk through.

You. Are. Never. Ever. Alone.

The Lord is present, even in the midst of the worst ordeals. Scripture is replete with promises of where He is.

Through the valley of the shadow of death, through even death itself, through sickness, through famine, through doubts, through fear, through rejection, through neglect, through social isolation, through it all – He is there.

He is an ever present help in the time of trouble. Have you wondered what that’s like. The word ‘ever’ means at any time, always, forever, on and on and on and on and on….through eternity.

And, do you know what else? The Lord has a way of sending people in our lives when we need them the most. So in addition to an ever present Father’s presence, He also presents Himself through others. Got that. Our Father presents Himself (think of a gift you receive) through others. Hallelujah!

So, it’s okay to not be okay. I think not being okay and admitting this allows us to seek the One who can make it all better with even more intensity. Admission also humbles us and stills our posture before Him. It puts in a state of dependency (think of a baby bird with its mouth open for that worm). It also allows us to receive comfort and love from those around who may have otherwise kept on their merry way thinking there was no need for them to give us some extra love and attention.

Alright, I’m all talked out now 🙂

Until next time, remain steadfast in His promises. Keep prayed up.

I love you. ❤️

70 thoughts on “It is okay👌🏿 … to not be okay

  1. Thank you dear sister for your encouraging words of transparency during your afflictions. We all usually deal in silence with our pain, trying to put our finger on what the Lord is after in us. I recently opened up as I was suffering in silence. Poured my feelings out on a blog I visit. It was scarey. But the word says we are to confess our faults one to another that we may be healed. That exhortation is taboo with christians I know, for the most part. It’s as if admitting we are struggling is a sin. We are a body and if one member is suffering we should come to their aide, not to shame them with what they “should be” . Most of us know what we should be, it is in the being we struggle and fight. P.S. I believe the Lord will allow rejection because He wants to embrace and kiss you. Song 1:2
    Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth: for thy love is better than wine
    You are “precious” in His eyes.

    Liked by 5 people

    1. Oh my! Need to grab my Bible and highlight this verse. Wow! Sis, your comment here today has me feeling like I could leap like a gazelle. Thank you for sharing your heart with me today. Yes, we are to confess our faults. I do believe in this. Doing so helps us to keep in check and should help others not to keep us on a pedestal. By the way, kudos to you for taking that giant leap to share your feelings with others. I’m proud of you 🤗
      Lastly, I’m so excited I’m chatting a lot, I especially love these sentences you shared, “Most of us know what we should be, it is in the being we struggle and fight. P.S. I believe the Lord will allow rejection because He wants to embrace and kiss you. “

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Thanks much for sharing. l felt so tearful reading this.

    I love reading your posts. Beautiful…well-written…encouraging! Your writing is so unique. You injected inspiration in me. May God’s grace and unmerited favor flood your heart.

    God often puts people in our lives that we would never have met in our usual routines. God is the divine connector who orchestrates every single event in our life. Blessings to you always my sister. May we never lose the simple joy of helping others. ❤❤🤗🤗

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Awww, praise Abba! I’m so glad you were touched and received His injection, Fay Ann. This comment is certainly a reminder of the importance of following His lead in all we do so the oil of His anointing can flow 🙌🏽

      Thank you for your consistent prayers and support beloved. Your words here are lovely to ingest in my soul.

      I agree! The Lord is certainly a wonderful connector. He brings folks around our lives that offer lessons of every kind. He is remarkable to say the least. May we always indeed be the hands, feet and shoulders that He can use.

      Loads of love and blessings to you always 🤗🙌🏽❤️🤗🙌🏽❤️

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Thanks so much for your kind words of encouragement and your love…both received graciously.

        Blessings to you as you navigate your journey with the Lord…continue to enjoy the journey as much the challenges.

        May we never lose the simple joy of helping/serving others. ❤💙💯

        Liked by 1 person

  3. “It is ok to not be ok”. Thank you for sharing this! We do get caught up in life and sometimes just get used to dealing with or covering up the pain. But we don’t have to. We can admit to God and others we trust that we are hurting. Helping one another through trials is a definite way to heal. Thanks for the reminder we don’t have to do it all! Love you too sis! ❤️

    Liked by 5 people

    1. Ah! You’ve made it so easy to be me around you big sis! You’ve made it a delight to be vulnerable and not hide how my heart aches from time to time. May we always be vessels that help others through like that verse in Corinthians reminds us what to do with the comfort Abba gives us. Love you, back ❤️

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Hey girl…glad to read you have recouped from your depression. Hopefully, you experienced renewal, wholeness, a reconnection with the Lord for His mercies endures forever. I ran across another blog by Buckner International that deals squarely with what you just went through. You might want to read what this Christian organization has to say biblically about how to deal with depressions. I reblogged Buckner’s blog as my entry for this week’s posting on http://www.tgifmastermninds.com
    Much love to you.

    Liked by 2 people

      1. You so encourage me, Baby Precious. You are far more advanced in the knowledge of the Kingdom than I was at your age. But thank God, He never gave up on me. Continue to be transparent in your walk because your experiences certainly do help others.

        Liked by 1 person

  5. Very good Deandra. Well said. You have written wise words that have been drawn from the deep well of experience. You have brought forth life from betrayal which is no easy task. Only a broken person, humbled by the fierce attack, can bring forth such words. As ones who have faced the bitter blow of betrayal we know the feelings and angst one goes through as God breaks us down so we see our utter and complete need for Him. Though the process is the hardest we go through in the wilderness journey it is absolutely essential to break through the hard pan of lies we tend to use to cover ourselves with for protection. Once Jesus breaks that ground He is able to pour into the broken one the very oil of Life we need for healing and reconstruction. You are discovering (or will discover) that.

    On a side note I had to chuckle at the quote you included here. This last month has been one of the most intense battle months for us since we were homeless in 2017. This month we faced unbelievable sickness, rejection from extended family, financial pressure and had to face down drug and human trafficking at the motel here. However what was most interesting was I was in the hospital for 3 days with a gall stone. Almost had surgery but was spared as God ‘rolled away the stone.’ 🙂 The pain was so intense shots of morphine every 3 hours only dulled the pain slightly. So yes, this too will pass, it may pass with the pain of a gall or kidney stone which is unbelievably painful but it will pass. I say this so you know that even this will come to an end.

    One day you will look back and not remember the pain but the sweetness of God’s love and the real riches He planted in your life at this time. When we think of the 40 days after we were thrown into homelessness and had to live in the woods and I honestly cannot feel the cold, pain and emotional anguish we went through. What I do feel is His love which got us through the bitterest of valleys. You know your Jesus my precious sister. This too will pass and all you will see is His goodness in it.

    All of our family blesses you and sends you our love.

    Homer

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Homer!!!

      It’s always a delight reading what Holy Spirit has laid on your heart.
      You’ve left me with such comfort and much to think about I dare not begin addressing them all lol.
      I’m so sorry to know your body had to endure such agonizing pain. Ugh. I’m glad though that the stone was rolled away, Hallelujah. Like Lazarus, you certainly came forth.

      What you and the family have been through and still go through, continues to leave me humbled. I cannot imagine nor begin to comprehend the magnitude of trials and pressure you’ve all had to endure – But God – He has used the pressing to leave you all with such an anointing that even your comments cause a shift in the atmosphere.

      You’re right with looking back. I see glimpses of the sorrow and suffering, but I feel and can recall even more vividly the sweetness of His love. One person commented today about His kisses, oooohh, sweeter than honey and even the honeycomb. The kisses of our Master are a delight, delectable, if we think of the best dish we’ve ever had or the best feeling we’ve experienced it is NO COMPARISON! Whew!

      Thank you all for continuing to lift me before Abba. The pruning continues (and I’m grateful). From my heart to your home – love love love! ❤️🤗❤️

      Liked by 2 people

  6. ‘It’s ok not to be okay’ – I wish we would say that more often in our lives. We sometimes sweep the pain under the rug and go about pretending that all is ok while what hurts is festering and not allowing one to heal.
    To heal you must reveal – I like that.
    God puts people in our life for a reason and sometimes a season. We are always more open to being in someone’s life to be used by God to pour into their lives but hesitant to receive that pouring from someone else.
    I love your post, you gave me so much to think and reflect. May the Lord fill you with what you need.
    Blessings 😊💙

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Ah Manu, would you believe that I used to be like that – quick and open to pour out but oh so hesitant to receive. I would be the “no thank you” girl, the “I’m fine” girl, the “I’m blessed and highly favored” type…giiirrrllll, but God!

      I’m so thankful the Lord has given you some meat (and maybe a bone) to chew on today. My prayer for us is that we would continue to walk in the footsteps of our Master. May we follow Him so close, the dust He leaves behind are on our cheeks 😉

      Love you loads, sis ❤️❤️

      Liked by 2 people

  7. There’s a lot of truth in the saying, “I heal as I reveal.” I listened to a Podcast by Rick Warren last week and he said, “We know we are healed when we can talk about the thing that hurt us.” I thought about what he said, and I believe he’s right. So, talk about it, and keep talking about it until God brings complete healing to your life. Your courage has encouraged me. God bless you, Deandra❤️

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Ah! That’s a true statement, Ms. Deb. Healing comes through relinquishing the hurt – through talking, through writing, even through singing. As long as we find a (godly) way to let it out our system I believe the Lord honors our steps.

      I’m so thankful you were encouraged too. Bless the Lord always. May He equip you for great exploits my sister ❤️

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Amen! It’s so true that putting on as if everything is okay when it’s really not is a form of hypocrisy. God draws near to the humble but regards the proud from a distance. I’d rather eat humble pie at the table with Abba than purposefully live a lie for the acceptance of others and not be close to the Father. He’s the only one who will ALWAYS be there for us! People tend to be so finicky and can turn on you in a second without warning.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yesssssss, I’ve been on the receiving end of those who’ve been finicky many times. I’m so thankful Abba isn’t like that for real. Oh Ruth, He’s so lovely and wonderful and patient annnnnnd so kind towards us ❤️

      Liked by 1 person

  9. Thank you for your transparency. It really is okay to not be okay. Sometimes the greatest disservice we do to our fellows (especially fellow disciples) is to be emotionally dishonest. Several years ago I eliminated the greeting response “I’m fine” from my vocabulary. That’s not to say I emotionally vomit on anyone asking, but try to be more real. It might open a door to a deeper conversation and offer a lesson from the Spirit. Take care and stay well.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. It sure was through His help.

      Yesssssss!!! I completely agree. If it’s one response I’m not liking, that would be it. The other is, I’m okay. What does that even mean? Especially when asked by someone that I’m in fellowship with – a little more information please.

      I’m so thankful that the Lord has us in a place where we can share our burdens with each other. The Body of Christ needs to utilize its shoulders afterall 😉

      Like

  10. Your post remind me of the following verse:
    Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much. (James 5:16)
    You put in perspective what the above verse really means. Sometimes we hide stuff deep inside our hearts and pretend to be okay, but this will prevent our healing.

    You have taken the first step in pouring out your heart and so your healing has began. The times that we are living in requires us to help and encourage each other by pouring in the oil and wine. Bless you, my dear.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Ah, that’s a good verse, sis. A wonderful verse for us during these times.

      I’m so thankful for courage to pour out my heart and to make room for His healing through both others and His Word. I’m certainly grateful too for the oil and wine. The wounds of my heart are in need. 🙏🏽

      His Shalom be yours always 🤗

      Like

  11. Thanks for sharing this sis. I was the type who tried so hard to hold things together not cos because I felt all champion, just literarily never wanted to bug anyone with my issue, thinking they have much on their plate as well. But things got better as He brought my way people I could talk it out with and let off the steam.

    Really, thank God for the gift of godly counsels and the right company.

    We are glad to have you back back. 😁🤗

    Love you too sis.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. You’re very welcome, Mercy.

      I can understand not wanted to bug those around, especially when I see them struggling with their own issues. The Lord has a way of directing our steps when we submit and chose to honor His Word. I’m thankful you were able to find folks who were willing to bear your burden with you. It’s such a comfort having others in our lives who serve this purpose.

      It’s good to be home…

      Love to you always 🥰🤗

      Like

      1. Smiles. 🤗

        Yes, especially that.
        Yes sis. God indeed guides the steps of those who put their trust in Him. We keep walking in it each day – step after step. ❤
        It really is sis. It is. 🙂

        Smiles. Totally. 😁

        Love you too sis. ❤

        Like

  12. This was beautiful. I am finally coming to a place in my life where I realize that I don’t have to be strong 100% of the time. Sometimes I need to enter a quiet place and allow myself to have that breakdown instead of trying to hold it all in because that’s when healing begins to take place. Thank you.

    Like

  13. Ahhh, thank you for this uplifting post Dee! It makes me know that I can make it yet another day. Even when I am tired and weary, I can make it! And it’s ok to not be ok!

    I think if we are honest, we have all faced rejection in some form or other. I know with myself, the worst for me is when I have said something that wasn’t taken the way I had intended, especially when I try so hard to be kind and loving.

    Even with our best intentions, we may be tired, having an off-day or simply not catch how it comes across, and unknowingly hurt someone’s feelings.

    This grieves my heart to no end, to know someone may be upset with me, ignore or reject my friendship. I try my best to love like Jesus, but in spite of my efforts, I may still find myself falling short.

    Your post made me realize that it’s OK to NOT be ok at times, for whatever reason. None are perfect but God. We will make it through! This too shall pass! 🤗💕💃🏼💜

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You’ve described a hard place, Renee, having your kindness not appreciated and evil spoken of. I’m sorry you’ve had your good evil spoken of, sigh. I am grateful though that you’ve found the Rejected One has a source of strength and comfort. I’m happy to know too that your heart hasn’t been made calloused by the pain you’ve felt, rather, you’ve been made more sensitive to those like me, who’ve had to face rejection and neglect. ❤️❤️

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I’ve learned everything works out in the end, does it not? Both sides learn a valuable lesson. The hardest part to realize is that God allows the enemy to try us. There is nothing that does not come through His hands first. I can just hear our Lord saying, “Have you considered my servant, Dee?” She is faithful, strong, forgiving. She will not be moved.”
        And guess what? You passed the test!!! Take that devil! 👊🏼💥 Now the enemy has a black eye, and you are stronger than ever before! 😇😍

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Giggles! You’re so funny, Renee.

          I love your theology though. So many people don’t subscribe to ABBA’s Sovereignty. Nothing happens to us without passing through His hands/eyes/knowledge. 🙌🏽

          Liked by 1 person

  14. I saved this post long before I even reached the end because it was that encouraging. It’s comforting to know that I’m not the only one who has bad days and that tough times never last and GOD is there 24/7.

    Liked by 1 person

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