Why did thou doubt?
I begin by confessing that the last two years of high school as a parent has really been challenging.
When Zach was a junior, nearly all our free time went into wrestling activities. We would wake up some weekend mornings at 5am to go to a match. Our bedtimes would be sometimes 11pm or even later depending on when school and external wrestling club sessions ended.
November of last year, Zach and I decided that it was time for him to get his permit. Once he did, it was time for road practice. To say my nerves were rattled each time he went behind the steering wheel with me in the passenger seat would be a gross understatement. (For the record, I don’t believe parents should teach their children how to drive – our hearts stay on our foreheads every session). I remember during one of our driving practice sessions Zach firmly saying to me, “Mom, your nervousness is making me nervous. Please relax.”
Around February/March of this year, the pandemic hit. I was one of those parents who enjoyed the break COVID19 brought from the flurries of activities. It was a relief to be forced to remain home.
This cessation of activities not only meant wrestling and the associated costs would be paused, but so would Zach taking his driving test. Secretly, I was glad. He would remain home and away from any accident possibilities just a little longer. Truth be told, I was also concerned about the financial aspects. With wrestling pausing, I was finally able to breathe a bit financially. I was able too to get some rest – to unwind and be refreshed spiritually and mentally too.
Then came summer and he opted to look for employment. I was not happy. Primarily because he would be working at a theme park and exposing himself and us at home to COVID. On top of that, I would be required to pick him up 5-6 days from work. Good-bye free time (and saving gas).
The Lord helped me through this season and thankfully, we were spared being diagnosed with this ravaging disease. I also found that my travel time to him became my added devotional time. I was able to catch up on audiobooks, podcasts, and have conversation with friends on the go.
Then school resumed in September. Since he had been doing online school since March/April, he opted to do remote school. I was excited. Why? No more unnecessary COVID exposure and no need to spend money for lunch cost. Hallelujah!
Unfortunately, my contentment in the new season shifted. A few weeks ago Zach suggested resuming his wrestling activities. Once more I found myself worrying not just about the cost, but you guessed it – the health risks associated with it. I shared my concerns with Zach and he did still insisted this is what he needed. He also decided that he would join the gym too.
Then, he made the dreaded appointment to take his driving test. Once more, anxiety within me multiplied. I found myself worrying about the costs, possible accidents and all the challenges that comes with parenting a driving teen.
Honestly, feeling anxious and fearful was getting out of control. I had to stop and really address all these concerns with Abba. I’m not one to worry, but with Zach this past year – let’s just say all this changed.
What do you do when anxiety and fear begin to cripple you?
What do you do when life feels like it’s going out of control?
What do you do when the norm is disrupted and the new norm doesn’t look appealing?
Please, feel free to share in the comments below.
For me, pausing and telling the Lord about this helped greatly. Amazing thing happened when I did – He listened and sent me to His Word.
“Hear, O Lord, when I cry with my voice: have mercy also upon me, and answer me. When thou saidst, Seek ye my face; my heart said unto thee, Thy face, Lord, will I seek.”Psalms 27:7-8 KJV
The author of this psalm in previous verses shares with us that he had enemies – many (please, read the entire chapter). He was also plagued by fear and yes, anxiety too. He was perplexed with all he had to deal with.
His posture – seek the Lord.
The Lord’s response – seek My face!
This hit home for me in a huge way.
Think about it for a moment. When our eyes are intentionally looking at the Lord, we do not see anything else around. In fact, it is when our eyes are no longer focused on Him that we begin seeing the storm around. We begin walking in fear. Anxious thoughts take over our minds. We see the waves, the bills, the accidents, the health challenges, the (place your whatever here).
Matthew 14:22-36 relates to us what happened to Peter when he took his eyes of Jesus as he walked on water.
When Peter began paying attention to the wind around him he became afraid. Do you see that? Fear crept in and he began to sink.
“You of little faith,” Jesus said, “why did you doubt?” Verse 31
This has been me. I’ve allowed fear to creep and the result is me sinking low.
The sad part of it all though, each and every step of Zach’s journey, the Lord has been providing for Him. He has been a Father unlike any other. He’s been providing for Zach these almost 18 years (his birthday interestingly enough falls on Thanksgiving this year – Abba has a sense of humor). Why do I doubt His provision? His protection?
Today, Zach and I called the insurance company and guess what, the cost I feared greatly was simply a fear. It was completely unrealistic because I did not have all the facts. It was totally unnecessary because Abba has never failed to provide. He has been covering Zach every step of the way.
Guess what too? To add Zach to the policy is just an extra $68.93 more each month. Isn’t Abba good??
I also want to add that Zach has offered to pay half of his wrestling costs too. The Lord is using this child to help achieve his own goals too.
So, my final thoughts. The Lord wants us to not be fearful and anxious. We should be anxious for nothing, but in everything with prayer, supplication AND THANKSGIVING, let our requests be made known. And the result, the peace of God which transcends all understanding, will guard our hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:8).
Let us not be people of little faith – let us be great faith people.
PS: Now we’re working on college applications and scholarships. Zach is excited and even wants to go to school all the way in California. More faith stretching opportunities for this mama 😉